” I glanced at the jury. “That’s another favorite of hers. She asked me to buy her one with rivets so it would hurt her more.”“Have you ever...beaten her?”This question was phrased in a way that made me suspicious. Then I realized he’d been laying the foundation for this question. He wanted to smear me. “No.”“But you whipped her. Isn’t that a form of beating her?”“I have only whipped her as an agreed-upon punishment. One she consented to and could stop at any time.” I faced him with pride. “I. We both still found it very erotic and the sounds would sometimes get us going all over again!The next Saturday, the weather wasn't quite as good as the previous one. In fact it was pouring with rain when I woke up. I lay there listening to the drops splattering against the window panes thinking how lovely and cosy it felt to lie in bed, and how nice it was that I didn't have to get up quickly to go to school. I'd had a good session with Abi the night before but when she dozed off to sleep soon. Maybe it would have been better if he had just gone along with her plan and ignored the questions about the future. Maybe then they would have been able to go their separate ways with a smile on their face and never meet again. But he couldn’t do that. He had to know where he stood and it was better this way – better to know where he stood instead of spending the next few days hoping and wishing for something that would never happen. He wanted to just pack and leave right away. He could. I reach down beneath the covers and find myself. Soft. I touch my flaccid self and I am cold. And alone. It is warm in the room, but I feel cold. And soft. I touch myself and try to warm myself. I think in my mind of things I should not think about. It has been well over a year since I sat beside you in that restaurant for the first time, and yet I can still remember your lovely scent. The mixture of your perfume and of your arousal. I can still bring that up in my memory, as though it were.
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